How good is my play I wrote (part 1)?

It's not very creative and I don't know anyone who speaks like that. And I really doubt that a teacher would immediately send two girls to the "headmaster's" office for simply passing a note (and who passes notes these days?) And who would say "I'm appalled. . ." unless they were being sarcastic. And Saturday school for a note? And teachers don't call me Miss Lastname, they use my first name.